A free room in Berlin is such a rarity. There are auditions for getting one, above the several claimants. So when I found mine (until the end of December…) I was super happy about having found my cozy nest. Nothing is comparable to the joy of furnishing your own room. Here is where you find protection but here is also where you lock yourself in a shell. I not gonna pretend that I’m a seasoned stand-up woman like many do. Me, I not gonna act in this role. Here I open the door of my room so you can see that maybe what I have is not that much but I earned it all.
I would like to grow up now and do things that adults do just with my strength. Yes, because it’s super easy to get what you want until your parents or your boyfriend/girlfriend are struggling at your place. But what is the satisfaction? The most precious treasure fallen from the sky doesn’t have a quarter of the value of just a grain of sand that is the result of your efforts. This is what makes you special, why people admire you and respect you. Thi is the aim of your life.
I would like to open my heart to someone who has the bravery to commit for getting what he wants and so I would do the same. I would like finally to experience this warm feeling.
And this is the poem I wrote in my room
This poem is about the fear of getting close to someone else and the need for human touch.
Tonight turn off the lights
And let two cinnamon candles
melt in the fire of a warm feeling.
Now we smash together like hot wax
On the sofa of a student’s room
But we are not students anymore.
Tonight let’s pretend we are living
in a house in the countryside
even if there is no country no more
in this shitty city of trash.
Nothing to eat for us
But a smell of cinnamon comes
out of the oven
Even if I didn’t bake a thing.
Let’s pretend the two of us
met the first time on the grass
For a moment just forget
We just met on the internet
with an indie rock soundtrack.
Let’s pretend it’s summer
Even if it’s cold as fuck.
Let’s pretend we are in love
Even if we’ve just met.
It could be too soon
but it’s not too late yet
to forget who we are
and just light the fire again
and melt the pain
away.